Friday, October 7, 2016

My fiancé wants to dress as Bigfoot for our wedding!

Put a 6-foot-7-inch, 300-pound man in a Bigfoot suit, send him out into the Alabama night and what do you get? A dead guy in a Bigfoot suit!

Article by Kelly Kazek from

At the very least, you'll get a guy chased by camo-wearing, good-ol' boys who pitchfork him in the nether regions – if Sasqui even have nether regions.

That's what I keep telling Sweetums, who has said for the past three Halloweens that he wants a furry Sasquatch outfit so he can stand along dark roadsides and scare people. For those of you who are thinking, "How cute. That Sweetums has such a sense of fun and mischief!" No. What he has is a death wish. And I'm marrying him in two weeks.

Most couples argue about such things as where to put the neon PBR sign the guy brings to the household – Him: in the living room. Her: in the far reaches of the landfill. Me: Her answer is correct. (Well, it's my column, I should get a vote).

But Sweetums and I are dealing with something much more stressful – his growing collection of all things Sasquatch, including several action figures, two stuffed toys, a set of vintage Bigfoot comic books and his personalized license plate that reads "Squach." (See some of the items in the accompanying photo gallery)

Despite several, meaning eight, T-shirts saying otherwise, Sweetums doesn't believe in the existence of Bigfoot. He's just fascinated with the myth and the legend. I think. I comfort myself with the knowledge that he's never gone on a Bigfoot hunt. That I know of.

Still, there are consequences to Sweetums' hobby. For instance, his birthday earlier in September was Sasquatch themed. Here's just a sampling of the gifts Sweetums received from friends, family and coworkers, none of whom coordinated their efforts:

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